I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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