i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
