im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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