Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
