Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize