I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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