I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
you never un-have a 4some
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
