I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
