Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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