I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
