I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize