Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
