At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
