You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
