apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
