Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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