sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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