Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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