She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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