Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize