Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
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