I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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