never play flip cup with pint glasses
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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