I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
