____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
