and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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