She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
