why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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