I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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