Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I looked at my own cervix.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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