There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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