One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
