I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
