If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Bring me that man meat
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
