But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
This baby is an asshole
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
