also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i love accidental penises.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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