Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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