We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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