i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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