She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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