1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
