so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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