guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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