You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
