my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
