How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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