nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
