it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize