I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
