he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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