just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whod you bang
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
