im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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