You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
