Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
