Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
