I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
