found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
