just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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