Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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