you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
