If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize