Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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