You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
