i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
