sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
