for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
