I wish I could teleport
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
