doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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