I am in a vortex of obligation.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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