I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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