This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
