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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
