She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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