I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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