Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
