You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
