it hurts more in the daytime
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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