You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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