I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
