this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
