I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
