brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize