There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
