her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize