whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
