they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
