Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
